oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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