I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
