So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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