Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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