I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
