He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
