How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
