I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
