I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize