Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
