I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
