North Korea, Best Korea!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
