Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
