I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
