thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
More tranny stories later!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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