I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
