when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
