i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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