Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
