You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
