hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
