we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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