Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
