somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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