If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
