I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
