i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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