Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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