Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
