The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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