I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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