My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
