i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
