Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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