Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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