His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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