I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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