I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
