I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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