Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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