He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
