No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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