It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
