Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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