when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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