There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
