dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
