I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize