The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
