You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
