Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
