it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
