New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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