Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
