Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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