This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can you bring me the toilet please
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize