his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
