her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
