you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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