apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
