who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
