the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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