I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
