i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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