I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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