so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
