Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
