i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
