let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
