Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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