he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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