Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
