he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
