He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
