ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize