I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
