So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
