I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
